The focus is all wrong.

It isn't about your regret.
Not about your twinge of emotions today.
Not about you should have done this
or why did I do that?
It isn't how will I ever be fixed
Will I ever get better?
It is not about un-digging your past all in one setting.
It is not about bringing it up and harboring on it all day.

But what it is about, is Jesus.
His saving
His personality
His ability
His kindness
His grace
How He lead you the whole time with hands of a Father
How in union with Him, and only when in union with Him, you experience the attributes of Him.
Joy
Righteousness
Peace

It's about being obedient because He was to the Father.
No matter how much you don't feel like it or how bad it hurts.
Obedience because salvation is about taking Jesus as LORD
as MASTER
Meaning you will follow, you will labor, and you will experience.
His commands aren't burdensome.
They are filled with Spirit and life.
It isn't working to earn a wage, it is a free gift offered.

Jesus in no way had to use people...
but that was the reason He came
to identify with sinners, in whom you may feel like the worst today
but He called tax collectors
fishermen
He used normal men to be apart of the water to wine miracle
but in the moment they weren't just normal men.

So today, we are not self defeatist
We are victors
We walk in the promise, a promise that has eternal value.
All things will pass away, but the word of God....
never.

Down in the valley or up on the hill, safe is safe with me, my dear.

Exodus 20:4-5

What a great opener to Gods speech to His people.
"For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God"

For a people who knew nothing but slavery.
For a people dreaming of freedom.
For a people crying out for rescue( Ex 2:24)
For a people that felt helpless and hopeless.

Have you ever wanted to be wanted?
I'm sure you have, we are but human, but I'm talking about by people who actually use to want you?
Do you ever find yourself wishing someone would call you or text you to hang out?
That use to not be a problem of mine.
I use to be and am currently getting back to, being personal.
All I wanted to do was hang out and talk with people.
Never for my own glory or to advance my name, it was just who I was.
Until depression came and stripped me of my personality.
It was hard for me to keep friendships and grow with people because I was so burned out and apathetic that I really didn't care to try with people.
But thats another story.

I have a best friend named Samuel Bragg.
Hands down, best dude I've ever met.
Tall, strong, silent, smart, personable, loving, disciplined, sensitive, aware, steady etc.
This guy is a mountain. Legit.
He transfered to MS State
a year after me.
At NEMCC( community college) we were inseparable.
Every summer, every weekend.
Sam and Cam was known through the land.
Upon arrival to State I was so excited I introduced him to everyone I ever came in contact with.
So between me doing that and he meeting folks on his own you can only image such a man become a pop icon and the hottest item on campus.
The guy blew up.
Became one of the most popular sensations over night.
When you have a real heart for the Lord, it happens.
Thus, that ended up cutting back our time of hanging out.
I was hurt, devastated, because I'm sensitive and emotional.
I felt abandoned and ditched.
I felt unwanted.
With depression I felt I lost my only friend.

I often have moments where I would look around and realize I have no friends.
I went from someone who was invited to every hang out ever, to on weekends sitting at home writing songs.

Another similar cause happened with a old mentor of mine.
I use to fight for his approval.
I was striving to be a man of God and I wanted so bad for him to notice.
I wanted to be just like him, because this guy is a rock, I mean he knows his stuff, he is solid.
He always knows the right things to say... I'm pretty convinced God tells him the secrets of life!
We use to chat alot but that got reduced because life happens.
But I felt after awhile when we wouldn't talk or catch up that I wore him out from always needing him to help me in life.
I was very self reliant on him, after all, he was the first person to come along and teach me what a man of God looks like and lives like.

So, how did I get to all of this?
Jealousy. Envy.
Last night, I went to my mentors church ( see I told you the guy knows everything)
He spoke on jealousy and envy.
Its an ugly sin.
Its saying " Hey God, you owe me."

From recovering with depression I see that this has been a problem of mine.
As I recover I keep praying God, give me my personality back, help me to love people again. I want to be comfortable talking to everyone.
Cause sometimes I'm not.
I was demanding God to give me something I thought was mine.
When it was Him that gave it to me in the first place!

I wanted to be wanted!
I wanted someone to love me and to care for me.

And its in Ex 20:4-5 I see it so clear.
The lord God is my God and is jealous!!
He wants my attention, he wants my focus, my heart, and my love.
Just like I was wanting approval and to be wanted by my friend and mentor.
In which everything is actually fine and dandy, life just gets busy sometimes.

When all along, I was wanted.
And God was wanting to give me what I wanted from others, and was wanting what I wanted.
do you see that!
God is sensitive to our needs.

Here is my post to let y'all know I'm still alive.

Be encouraged.
And simply know, You Are Wanted