Saturday, March 17, 2012

22 is a lot different than 21

22 for me is going to be different than 21.
I've always held really close to 2 Corinthians5:17-18
here's what it says and why.
"Therefore, if ANYONE is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has PASSED away; behold, the NEW has come."
"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation"

I am in Christ.
First met Christ when I was 13 and have never stopped getting to know Him.
Its been the best years of dating I've ever had and can't wait till the wedding day.
So, because I'm in Christ, I am new.
New today.
I don't have to wait till 2013 to start fresh, but rather I start fresh today.
Also, I like when it says the old has passed away.
That means its gone.
It is gone.
I do not have to live in my regret, shame, depression, and hurt.
I believe because of the lifestyle I have lived that I have many regrets.
One of them being that I didn't stay in louisiana and love my kids better.
They were a wonderful group of kids, but I shut down.
I grew... apathetic, I grew depressed.. and lost all my love for people.
Its a weird feeling going from loving every stranger and enemy I met or knew, to really not caring if I deal with either anymore..
but there is a community/relational spirit that lives inside of me and its longing to love again..
its just that for so long I had my order mixed up on whom I loved first...

I first loved people
then God
then myself.

When really according to Luke 10:27-28( I'll leave it up to you to read)
I first love God
then my neighbor
and If I do these... I will live.
Until then, I will not be able to love, care, or cater to the relationships around me.

The other part of the verse I like is that it is a gift from God.
On my birthday.
What a wonderful gift and Lord willing, I'll have the same gift tomorrow.
Everyday, ..........newness.
I figured Jesus knew we would need a lot of re do's.
That some would need to wander His grace, swim in it more than others.
I feel you see some people and they just have it together, while others, like myself, must learn from mistakes and messing up.....alot.
What a wonderful gift from Christ, that He would be at me continual to wash( which takes along time, thank about how long it takes you) not a fast fix, but rather He walks with us, works with us, and we become new.
Theres you a fancy term.

I have burned some bridges.
Some relationships I straight lit on fire.
I am not proud of this.
Its one of those things in your alone time that cover your mind.
Especially with a guy that lives in my apartment complex.
He is such an amazing guy, but due to my own hurt and wounded-ness I cared little to cultivate our relationship and just let it go.

You see, I lived most of my life for the approval of people..
now it seems I live to push them away and not care
I need to find a new ground.
I believe we all do.

John the baptist is one of my favorite bible characters.
When asked if he was Jesus, he replied honestly.
He could have claimed to be the very person everyone wanted, he could have taken on the identity of the most famous person
but instead, he said, I am a voice of one crying.... I'm not worthy to touch his sandal ...

I never claimed to be Jesus.
I never claimed to be perfect or to have it all together
I just always wanted to admit to my failures and then from there try to be like Jesus.

You see, even though this is very sad, in the christian community, we(because I belong) are some of THE most judgmental, quick to point out wrong, before evaluating themselves type folks.
Yes, you are, own it.
My new favorite thing said about me is I'm a hypocrite.
Why yes, I am thank you.
But, at least I am not afraid to own my failures in the light while others hide theirs in the dark.
I do not write this with a big head or better than you tone, I simply write it as, in the christian community, we can do a lot better than this.

I believe when your brother is wrong, you help them.
Be quick to listen, read this again, listen... stop trying to fix the problem that you have yet to hear.
Don't push the word of God on them when you have yet to understand what verse they need or maybe instead a prayer.

Now this blog just sounds like a rant, be careful, it is not.

Can you relate?
is this your life?
Have you struggled with these things?
Are you beginning to overcome?
if so, how?

Feel free to share verses, maybe hold on the thoughts... less christian bs and arguing I have to read the better.
Maybe honest comments. Is this where you are now?
It is open for conversation.

I have yet to fully heal from the years past.
I do know Phil 1:6
He will finish the good work that is started in me.
Romans 8:28, He has good for you.
Psalm 25:10, all the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth.... finish reading that one.

In this times may we not doubt Gods goodness, but look to see what is the point of why we are going through these times.
There is something to learn..

I long to be a pastor.
I dont want to be the most popular...
just the most God fearing, loving, relational one.

Also, be thankful
1 Thes 5: 16-18
That tends to get over looked.

I believe 22 will be alot different than 21 because of this lyrics my friend wrote and has been weighing heavy on my mind
Holy Spirit You are near
Holy Spirit You are welcomed here.

I once heard a friend tell me that every day he invites the Spirit to be apart of his day.
how beautiful.

This is where the healing begins.