It's been awhile, but lets save the whole, its been awhile gig.
It's interesting how peoples words can affect us.
Strangers, friend, acquiesces, and even those people who think they know you, but really they just know of you. Which, is NOT the same thing.
I, at times, feel I know this more than anyone.
You see, being a vibrant, warm, friendly, open person isn't always a good thing.
It exposes your heart before all to see and judge, sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worst.
Knowing the line between guarding your heart and sharing is one that it seems I never found, along with helping guard those of my brothers and sisters... but I am not alone in this thinking.
It seems most people feel this way..
I now look back and realize that the the amount of "sharing," my life has been good but has come with consequences.
I look back on the mistakes I made, the people I completely hurt and somewhat ruined, for them I spent nights awake hurting for myself and them enough to build bridges to foreign lands.... and I only hope in the future they heal, but my wrong was not done unto them, "but God only have I sinned" the psalmist would write.
The Bible would say I was not ignorant in my wrong doings.... and I dare not argue with Sovereign God, but being thrown into the ocean to learn to swim is a hard way to figure it out.
I would say my journey has been one of many failures and I'm sure will be, but, I can say thankfully now, I am at the best place, praise be unto God I have ever been repenting of my sins and really turning from struggles that held me captive for so long.
You see, what person doesn't struggle?
What person hasn't repeated the same mistake, fighting to change but little outcome?
Especially in Christian communities.
I wasn't always looking for "love" from my brothers and sisters, but I was for truth and love..
wanting someone to show me God, but instead I received rejection and at times wrong counseling.
I am not bitter praise God, I am not angry and hold no grudges.
For I am thankful that God allowed me to see so many wrong errors in my life and has used them unto good, I won't harp on this, but I am thankful that mistakes can turn out for good.
Lets be clear though, struggles don't define you, but if you allow them, they will make you and control you, and there has to, yes, has to come to a point of change.
back to the things people let slip from their mouth.
Someone accidentally said to me today "you wouldn't want them to see who you really are."
Interesting comment eh?
I hope, that in everything I do, that I always show, behind closed doors or in person, who I really am.
A sinner, saved by The kindness of a God I didn't care about, and that I struggle but I want more than anything to love God by obedience to His Word, which, I don't always do the best at.
But, once again, I live unto the pleasure of the Lord, and not unto man.
I would never boast upon myself, but after much searching my life, heart, mind, and motives, I am a man who has a heart after God.
Misguided at times, but never the less after Him.
I received a grand complement last night on the phone with a friend whom I've known since I was 16.
" You are still the same person. Alot of people have changed for the worst, but you have changed for the better."
Some will see in your life what others don't.
And I find this, okay!
It's okay that people form these opinions, because people are people, and you can rest assure, they have failed and made mistakes, and even overcome, just like you have!
So, take them at face value and accept them for who they seem to be, even if it isn't who they are, you never know what's going on inside.
I wouldn't take criticism from someone who doesn't know you, that just doesn't make sense, and anyone so quick to tell you who you are, isn't someone that should be speaking into your life anyhow. But in America we can say what we want whenever, apart of those glorious freedoms.
Maybe thats why James writes " the tongue is like a fire"
Here is a little take away from this silly little post:
-It is so much easier to hold on to negatives, but so much more rewarding to take hold of and hold on to the positives.
-find friends who invest in your life, that you can trust, and then let them.
-to an extent guard your heart, but don't always be so afraid to share it either.
-tree's don't grow over night, change takes time.
-be aware of what people say, but don't be what people say! You get that one? Be you.
-learn to forgive and let go, because you will do wrong and be wronged, just don't make this a habit. As in doing wrong.
-learn how to be thankful and appreciate the ones who love you. They are a treasure.
as always, I hope this encouraged you in a small way.... this is just a little bit of that sharing a little without to much jazz I was talking about earlier.
Have a grand day!