I've spent to much time knowing, but never knowing.

I get "it."
It's clear to me now.
but while it's still clear I'm still unsure... how could I and a whole body miss "it" ?

It's clear to me after the death of Jesus the disciples that decided to walk back to their hometown must have missed what His life was really about.
Its a reality check and scary to realize that they spent their lives devoted to this man who was spoken about through the prophets, that He is the one they have been waiting for and once here they missed the purpose of why He came.
They spent a few years in scripture, devoted, in community, and missed what Jesus was about.
They missed Jesus.

Have I?
Have you?
Has everyone?

I fear it may be true.

I often say.... and I mean often that the christian community sucks at showing grace to people.
I have a past that carries weight.
One that people seem to find escaping their lips when passing on my name.
Why so?
Wouldn't we as a body, if we truly understood why He came and what He taught pass along a kind word?
Wouldn't when we speak of our christian brothers and sisters pass along the name of Jesus when speaking to someone else?
After all... after we are changed by Christ we are clothed with Him .. and adopted into His family.
We take on the name son.
Not hypocrite.
Not whore.
Not liar.
Not depressed.
Not fat.
not ugly.
But son.
for whoever it is that has experienced other names, your name, when called by Christ, confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart and saved by Christ have a new name.
Its nothing you've done.
He just renamed you.
Luckley .. your new name is ..new.
New.
Hi new.
Son.
Hi son.

Then , because of this new name we receive it then abuse it.
I have.
You have.
Judge someone.
Become bitter toward someone and then make claims how you are right..
but I recall if you live by the sword you will die by the sword... and that is not peace.
Nor grace.
It is abuse.
All under the name of new, son.

I don't carry depression, I do not carry failed relationships. I do not carry sexual sins, I do not carry lies. I do not carry the eyes of my brothers and sisters with their stones in their hands.
I carry, the name of Jesus.
It is my name.
It is, hopefully, your name as well.
When His name looks nothing like our life, I often wondered if we've been miss-labeled
but Jesus doesn't miss label His people.

So where are you?
I ask that as in your heart.
Yes, this is a call to check yourself.

I check myself often and realize I've started a terrible fire producing many mistakes, but I honestly own them, I go honestly before REAL friends, Real grace carrying sons called new and find healing in His rest.

Its that.
In Him.

Lets not stray to far from the point because here it is.
If we really knew Jesus, don't you thinking letting go would be easy?
The bitterness, hurt, sadness, doubt, etc.
If we really grasped who He was.
I fear, like these disciples, I may have spent much of my time knowing Jesus, but never knowing Jesus.

You may know Him as lord, but never as lover
maybe always as lover, but never as lord.

I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm letting go.
And...
I'm finding.

It is all about Jesus.
And that comes with a thousand other things to figure out.


Dear body,
Lets not live un gaceful to anyone. Everything is different when your not the one throwing stones, but having them thrown at you. Forgive, forget, repent, move on, and grow together.




I say none of these things because I have them figured out.
I just want to figure them out with you.