Oh no no no Oh no

I don't claim the identity of Christian or Christ follower to be anything else.
If reading my bible is a responsibility then I'd rather pray and never open my eyes again.
I would never want to be the heart behind the saying " its our duty."
No
It is our delight.
I refuse it to be anything else.
Loving people is a gift from a bigger gift.
Christ is a big gift.
Life is a gift.
And death is natural.
I hope in my time here I can understand what it means to love and be loved by Jesus.
I hope to understand grace.
I hope to fully experience it, even with the emotions.
I hate when people opt those out.
I believe emotions come from God.
Jesus expressed them well, so don't tell me its not emotional.

I don't understand the cross.... or the good news.. gospel..
but from what I do, I know I need it and so do you and everyone else.

I won't claim to be a Christian of Christ follower and not try to look like Him.
Even in my grey days, sad days, in apathy, I'm still connected.
I do not want to know Him, I know Him.
I don't want to love Him, I love Him.

Alot of Christians always say, I need to know God, I need to love God.
Do it, live it , be it.
I hate that we don't treat this as who we are.
Stop separating it so much.
Be who you are, hopefully its like Jesus.

Turn me into someone else, someone more like Yourself.
Thats what really we need.
Belief that He cares to be connected to us and we don't have to live like He is something separate than us.
He is apart of me.
and you too.

Whatever it takes, I give it all away..

Sometimes its hard to discern how much to share or not share with the community of people that may or may not view this blog.
Being transparent and fully honest doesn't get the best re-views anymore.
But for the sake of that one who is struggling, gritting their teeth to pull through, this perhaps is for you.

Depression stricken(struck with) for 2 and a half years, an at the age of 21 seeking and receiving the proper help is what needed to happen.
I've been going to counseling.
Yup.
And its not for crazy people.
What a false assumption or assertion about counseling.
It really helps to un-tangle wires that have intwined that need to be sorted out.
You see, as people, we sometimes get our feelings hurt, make a big mistake, or small one and leads to lasting affects or effects on our lives.
For instance, giving your body to someone else.
Sex is an emotional, spiritual, and psychical thing that ties 1 to 1, and then when the relationship doesn't last they are torn apart. And I personally don't know of anything that is still good after ripping apart.

We all need help.
Yes, even you.
You need help.
Its okay to say that.
Its okay to accept that.

I have found often that close friendships, people throwing verses at you, or trying to conveince yourself your okay is not merely enough to overcome depression, apathy, or sadness.

But what does help is memorizing Gods truth, which is the bible.
John 17:17
look at that.

When we start to hide His word and truth in our hearts we become better sustained.
For example:
All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindess and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. Psalm25:10

By memorizing this verse I see that All ways of the Lord are good!!!
That if I just believe and trust I will walk in His goodness.


I'm tired of writing.
ponder that
have a great day!

you are not alone in this.