Make me more.

It's been a long unique journey to finally say, the older I get the less worried I am about what I will do with my life.
The reason behind that is, because the older I get, the more I realize how much more I want to know Christ.
And after a 2 year absence period, I grow to be thankful for it.
That 2 years of struggling with depression, apathy, general lack of not caring, anger, hurt, and emotional ups and downs I come to recognize my need of more of Him, not the need of more ministry.
Because the more you grow in Christ it will just happen, its our response.
I talked to the pastor of the church that I work at today and told him about me leaving the church. That I should chill out from being a youth pastor and kind of " find" myself again.
I think now is the time for me to find Christ again more and more.
Because in Him lye hidden all the things I want.
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self control.

I want to be driven in a whole new way.
I want to forget the past, not in the since of not learning from it, but learn and move on.
All good, bad, and okay things I've done.
I don't want to be remembered for any of it, but rather be remembered and talked of because of my love for Christ.
And from that love people in a refreshed, new, right way.
I use to share my opinions alot.
You know the cool hot topics of election, drinking, etc.
Instead now I want to follow through with scripture.
Not saying I want to master faith but rather be mastered by Christ.

One important lesson a friend of mine taught me along with Luke 6-9 is that faith takes time to grow.
Even the disciples after eye witnesses to who Jesus was wavered in their faith.
When the storm came, they wavered.
When 5,000 people came hungry, they wanted them to go away, they wavered.
Then Jesus ask, " Who do you say I am?"
I figured Jesus thought they would know by now seeing how He has spent all of His time pouring into these men.
The only one answered.......
Was it because Peter was the only one after all this time understood who Christ was?
I like how a centurion man was named to have the best faith in all the land.
And he was someone who spent no time with Jesus......

It tells me, even after years of walking with Christ, after seeing eye witness accounts to His goodness, that it takes time to grow.
Even the story of John the Baptist asking Jesus if He was the real one or should He wait for someone else.
Even John, the man born to tell only of Christ and proclaim Him had his moments.

You as well will have moments.

I learned in these "times" to not be hard hearted and turn away but to simply ....
continue.
There is a purpose. And we will always be seeing from our perspective, Lord willing, for me, that will change but for the most part we only see our angle on things and in that angle we won't see much.

I don't want to fall in love with Jesus, I want to live in love with Jesus, grow in it.
Falling can go in or out, I'd rather just stay in the constancy of things.
And as I draw near and you draw near to Christ, the worries of less important things decrease.
Such as popularity, future items, etc.

Stop praying for more " things" or more joy or peace or etc.
and just ask for more Jesus.
Its all about Jesus.

Everything is about Him.
Love Him, treasure Him, walk with Him, and experience life with Him.

Stay in the truth and let it set you free.
Remember the gospel.
Remember Jesus.

Merry Christmas.

I would like to know.

This is a poem I wrote after watching videos about sex trafficing.
It has some words in it you may not feel is appropriate but its truthful and honest.
I hope it encourages you some.


Jesus, I am a brothel.
Not a living sanctuary where people can find more of You
but a dwelling of hurt, hate, anger, and wrong disposition of You.
I want to long for truth.
Be a man that’s after You.
Not just another one who confesses and turns
with his dick in his hand longing to lust after youth and burn
with a temporary passion that will run away
and take me somewhere I don’t need to be.
Far away from You, filled with apathy.
I want to lay in green pastures
I want to find the well spring of life flowing through You
flowing in me too.
I want to see life the way that You do
loving my neighbor the way You taught me too
I want to produce fruits from the Spirit
I want to walk hand in hand in a peaceful land where the cool of the day and the light on my face shines a way straight to the Fathers throne where I can sing and dance at all the good He has done.
I want to be a REAL MAN
one who pursues purity and righteousness
who memorizes the word of Truth for Your word is truth
so I won’t sin against You.
I want to hate sin as much as You do for it does no good
only separates me from You.
I want to be lead by the Spirit
teach Your name to the masses
Trust in you even when there isn;t havoc’s
Lead a family one day and they be know as addicts for Your love in their veins
not prodigal son run aways
I want to be a friend who is always there, lifting up support on my knees in prayers
I want to fully trust and have faith
to look not at your hands but on Your face
knowing You will provide.
Only by Your grace I am saved
its nothing that I did to earn my way
but only what happened that faithful day
when you embaced the world in the sweetest hug ..
Father most of all
I need less of me……

and more of You.
As I decrease
I become more like You.