In the Christian community we are pretty keen on not showing our dark moments.
It seems its the beer photos that you took with your employees on a nightly outing or maybe that big ole cigar you smoked with your closest friends to ponder your daily reads of Gods word that gets a big no no on being posted to facebook isn't to be posted or know by others.
We are afraid that "lost" people will see them.
Afraid that the Christian community will set fires until we know how guilty we should be for this .. "dark" moment.
Me?
I don't mind so much of sharing....
The way I see it, for of us that are a part of the body, trying to reach someone who doesn't really care much about Jesus, it's these "dark" or maybe "secretive" sins we should be most open about?
There is a healthiness to not word vomit on people, as in not sharing to much information that hurts instead of helps. Guarding your heart while honestly sharing it.
I have struggled with depression for 2 and a half years.
I clearly remember days feeling like I hate people, rebellous thoughts against God, and thoughts of what if I ended my life, was very present.
It was because I had un-repented sin and no healthiness, or stillness... peace to my walk with God.
I went on an exodus.
In Exodus, these certain people group are rescued by God.
For a while things were pretty good, then they begin to forget just who He is and what He did.
I find this pattern in most Christians lives.
If we are all honest we all have that habit or hang up, not making us any less loved by God or worse than anyone ... because once again if we were all honest with ourselves... we should point fingers at ourselves, instead of talking about others.
Anywho.
Exodus.
Yes.
On my journey, I am currently learning God is good and kind.
There is a big difference in knowing in your head and knowing in your Spirit.
Trust me... I know.
I'm learning how to be still.
To meditate on small truths that are so strong.
To receive from Him and give out of His abundance.
My friend Pj Beaver told me " The simple things are the strongest things."
Not love out of my ....well... none abundance.
I'm learning joy is real.
Truth is solid.
Satan hates me.
And God loves me.
Eph 2 is one of THOSE passages.
You know the kind of words that move you?
Paul is writing a letter to these folk and in chapter 2 expresses God's grace is a gift that can' be earned, no matter how much you work.
He also tells these gentile Christians that they are now one in the body of Christ.
That the jewish leaders and them are of one body, the body of Christ.
That they are a workmanship of Christ Jesus from the beginning.
How wonderful.
Now, these jewish leaders have quiet the history of being flashy with there knowledge and arrogance of being Gods chosen people.
I can't imagine being a gentile and hearing everyday from these "perfect" people who knew the old testament back and forth and how loved and special they are because they are Gods people.. how the gentiles must of felt?
Sad?
Depressed? Frustrated?
but Paul reminds them that they are important too.
Hmmm
I am important to God as well.
And you are also.
Did you know that?
That is the thing that defeats depression.
Knowing you have self worth in Christ.
He cares and the truth of the word is more powerful than anyyyy twisted thought in our mind.
whew
Writing this I was going in a different direction.
The coffee from earlier has been worn off and after teaching tonight my mind is gone.
I just felt like writing.
Due to this sudden crash I will leave with this and hope the words above made sense.
" God is faithful, through whom you were called into fellowship with His Son, Jesus Christ our Lord." 1 Cor 1:9
Goodnight.
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
By and by
It's prayers like "God, don't let me end up in hell because I thought I knew you."
or " God, help me to love people today...because what use to come so natural ....doesn't come at all anymore." Its these thoughts that scare me most about myself. Its these thoughts that make things like healing ... growing..... finding peace.... and trusting God seem very impossible to ever recover again. Its these thoughts that makes a calling a question. From a knowing that one day I would lead a church....to I'm not sure if I should teach ever again. not because Cameron Moore is special by any means.... but because the God he loves and cares so deeply about and more importantly the Cameron that is cared for and is so special to God, wanted to pour out the joy, peace, patience, kindness, and love of Christ because he was so full. I sat through a church meeting today and thought, " what would have I thought, felt, and expressed two years ago before depression destroyed... un-repentance destroyed .. myself destroyed who I was." I use to never be angry, bitter, sad, or struggled with communication skills.... did I put to much confidence in my abilities to teach and lead? Surely not... I never once loved people, or reached people to be more liked by people. I never did it for popularity... I never sought to build my kingdom.... but I never once.... relied on the grace and strength of Christ to continue giving me the guidance and mercies I needed to continue. Maybe it was my lack of knowledge on how to pray and be alone with God. I never once learned to be still and know He was God.. but rather to stay active and love as many people as possible. Could it be that I spent most of my life and doing ministry helping others build a relationship with Jesus Christ that I completely over looked mine? Sure I did. Because loving myself, was never a priority. I often think... how will I ever love people again? It must start with loving Christ. Respecting myself enough and loving myself enough to read, seek, and be still to find this God I once taught. In my head, no one feels this way. People try to relate, but their words just fuel your flame of bitterness. I write to not open up my business to everyone.. but if I can write this and encourage one pastor, youth pastor, worship leader, or any son or daughter of Christ pondering if there will be a day where they find true rest in Christ, then it accomplished its goal. But I fear to tell you, that day may never come. Resting in God may come as we know His grace is sufficient for us in our suffering. That working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose may mean that you fully understand what it means to rely on Him and trust, day by day, minute by minute, you are secure, loved, cared for, justified, by His grace, that it is all by Him and nothing you do. Then we see reading the bible isn't something we make ourselves feel good about. It is to know Him more. To know who He is. To lift Him up. Its knowing this that passages like the following becomes so clear: " As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up;"John3:14 John 8 also says the same things. Jesus says we will die in our sins unless we believe. Dying comes in different ways that I will not elaborate. But its the focus off our hurt and unto His healing that will save us. I have to believe for you and me both, that this Jesus died for moments like this. That He rose for moments like this. To show victory happens after death. Maybe you are still on the cross.. maybe in the grave.. but maybe, just maybe, for you and I both... the resurrection is coming. We then are completely new. New thoughts. New feeling. A real understanding of who He is and just who we are in Him. I pray for peace over you reader. Grace to be shown to you and you show it to the brother or sister who needs it today. Survive trust believe and look to the healer. Walk in Him. Crawl. Or be still. But stay close despite your distance. have a kind day.
or " God, help me to love people today...because what use to come so natural ....doesn't come at all anymore." Its these thoughts that scare me most about myself. Its these thoughts that make things like healing ... growing..... finding peace.... and trusting God seem very impossible to ever recover again. Its these thoughts that makes a calling a question. From a knowing that one day I would lead a church....to I'm not sure if I should teach ever again. not because Cameron Moore is special by any means.... but because the God he loves and cares so deeply about and more importantly the Cameron that is cared for and is so special to God, wanted to pour out the joy, peace, patience, kindness, and love of Christ because he was so full. I sat through a church meeting today and thought, " what would have I thought, felt, and expressed two years ago before depression destroyed... un-repentance destroyed .. myself destroyed who I was." I use to never be angry, bitter, sad, or struggled with communication skills.... did I put to much confidence in my abilities to teach and lead? Surely not... I never once loved people, or reached people to be more liked by people. I never did it for popularity... I never sought to build my kingdom.... but I never once.... relied on the grace and strength of Christ to continue giving me the guidance and mercies I needed to continue. Maybe it was my lack of knowledge on how to pray and be alone with God. I never once learned to be still and know He was God.. but rather to stay active and love as many people as possible. Could it be that I spent most of my life and doing ministry helping others build a relationship with Jesus Christ that I completely over looked mine? Sure I did. Because loving myself, was never a priority. I often think... how will I ever love people again? It must start with loving Christ. Respecting myself enough and loving myself enough to read, seek, and be still to find this God I once taught. In my head, no one feels this way. People try to relate, but their words just fuel your flame of bitterness. I write to not open up my business to everyone.. but if I can write this and encourage one pastor, youth pastor, worship leader, or any son or daughter of Christ pondering if there will be a day where they find true rest in Christ, then it accomplished its goal. But I fear to tell you, that day may never come. Resting in God may come as we know His grace is sufficient for us in our suffering. That working all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose may mean that you fully understand what it means to rely on Him and trust, day by day, minute by minute, you are secure, loved, cared for, justified, by His grace, that it is all by Him and nothing you do. Then we see reading the bible isn't something we make ourselves feel good about. It is to know Him more. To know who He is. To lift Him up. Its knowing this that passages like the following becomes so clear: " As Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, even so must the Son of Man be lifted up;"John3:14 John 8 also says the same things. Jesus says we will die in our sins unless we believe. Dying comes in different ways that I will not elaborate. But its the focus off our hurt and unto His healing that will save us. I have to believe for you and me both, that this Jesus died for moments like this. That He rose for moments like this. To show victory happens after death. Maybe you are still on the cross.. maybe in the grave.. but maybe, just maybe, for you and I both... the resurrection is coming. We then are completely new. New thoughts. New feeling. A real understanding of who He is and just who we are in Him. I pray for peace over you reader. Grace to be shown to you and you show it to the brother or sister who needs it today. Survive trust believe and look to the healer. Walk in Him. Crawl. Or be still. But stay close despite your distance. have a kind day.
Friday, April 13, 2012
I've spent to much time knowing, but never knowing.
I get "it."
It's clear to me now.
but while it's still clear I'm still unsure... how could I and a whole body miss "it" ?
It's clear to me after the death of Jesus the disciples that decided to walk back to their hometown must have missed what His life was really about.
Its a reality check and scary to realize that they spent their lives devoted to this man who was spoken about through the prophets, that He is the one they have been waiting for and once here they missed the purpose of why He came.
They spent a few years in scripture, devoted, in community, and missed what Jesus was about.
They missed Jesus.
Have I?
Have you?
Has everyone?
I fear it may be true.
I often say.... and I mean often that the christian community sucks at showing grace to people.
I have a past that carries weight.
One that people seem to find escaping their lips when passing on my name.
Why so?
Wouldn't we as a body, if we truly understood why He came and what He taught pass along a kind word?
Wouldn't when we speak of our christian brothers and sisters pass along the name of Jesus when speaking to someone else?
After all... after we are changed by Christ we are clothed with Him .. and adopted into His family.
We take on the name son.
Not hypocrite.
Not whore.
Not liar.
Not depressed.
Not fat.
not ugly.
But son.
for whoever it is that has experienced other names, your name, when called by Christ, confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart and saved by Christ have a new name.
Its nothing you've done.
He just renamed you.
Luckley .. your new name is ..new.
New.
Hi new.
Son.
Hi son.
Then , because of this new name we receive it then abuse it.
I have.
You have.
Judge someone.
Become bitter toward someone and then make claims how you are right..
but I recall if you live by the sword you will die by the sword... and that is not peace.
Nor grace.
It is abuse.
All under the name of new, son.
I don't carry depression, I do not carry failed relationships. I do not carry sexual sins, I do not carry lies. I do not carry the eyes of my brothers and sisters with their stones in their hands.
I carry, the name of Jesus.
It is my name.
It is, hopefully, your name as well.
When His name looks nothing like our life, I often wondered if we've been miss-labeled
but Jesus doesn't miss label His people.
So where are you?
I ask that as in your heart.
Yes, this is a call to check yourself.
I check myself often and realize I've started a terrible fire producing many mistakes, but I honestly own them, I go honestly before REAL friends, Real grace carrying sons called new and find healing in His rest.
Its that.
In Him.
Lets not stray to far from the point because here it is.
If we really knew Jesus, don't you thinking letting go would be easy?
The bitterness, hurt, sadness, doubt, etc.
If we really grasped who He was.
I fear, like these disciples, I may have spent much of my time knowing Jesus, but never knowing Jesus.
You may know Him as lord, but never as lover
maybe always as lover, but never as lord.
I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm letting go.
And...
I'm finding.
It is all about Jesus.
And that comes with a thousand other things to figure out.
Dear body,
Lets not live un gaceful to anyone. Everything is different when your not the one throwing stones, but having them thrown at you. Forgive, forget, repent, move on, and grow together.
I say none of these things because I have them figured out.
I just want to figure them out with you.
It's clear to me now.
but while it's still clear I'm still unsure... how could I and a whole body miss "it" ?
It's clear to me after the death of Jesus the disciples that decided to walk back to their hometown must have missed what His life was really about.
Its a reality check and scary to realize that they spent their lives devoted to this man who was spoken about through the prophets, that He is the one they have been waiting for and once here they missed the purpose of why He came.
They spent a few years in scripture, devoted, in community, and missed what Jesus was about.
They missed Jesus.
Have I?
Have you?
Has everyone?
I fear it may be true.
I often say.... and I mean often that the christian community sucks at showing grace to people.
I have a past that carries weight.
One that people seem to find escaping their lips when passing on my name.
Why so?
Wouldn't we as a body, if we truly understood why He came and what He taught pass along a kind word?
Wouldn't when we speak of our christian brothers and sisters pass along the name of Jesus when speaking to someone else?
After all... after we are changed by Christ we are clothed with Him .. and adopted into His family.
We take on the name son.
Not hypocrite.
Not whore.
Not liar.
Not depressed.
Not fat.
not ugly.
But son.
for whoever it is that has experienced other names, your name, when called by Christ, confessing with your mouth and believing in your heart and saved by Christ have a new name.
Its nothing you've done.
He just renamed you.
Luckley .. your new name is ..new.
New.
Hi new.
Son.
Hi son.
Then , because of this new name we receive it then abuse it.
I have.
You have.
Judge someone.
Become bitter toward someone and then make claims how you are right..
but I recall if you live by the sword you will die by the sword... and that is not peace.
Nor grace.
It is abuse.
All under the name of new, son.
I don't carry depression, I do not carry failed relationships. I do not carry sexual sins, I do not carry lies. I do not carry the eyes of my brothers and sisters with their stones in their hands.
I carry, the name of Jesus.
It is my name.
It is, hopefully, your name as well.
When His name looks nothing like our life, I often wondered if we've been miss-labeled
but Jesus doesn't miss label His people.
So where are you?
I ask that as in your heart.
Yes, this is a call to check yourself.
I check myself often and realize I've started a terrible fire producing many mistakes, but I honestly own them, I go honestly before REAL friends, Real grace carrying sons called new and find healing in His rest.
Its that.
In Him.
Lets not stray to far from the point because here it is.
If we really knew Jesus, don't you thinking letting go would be easy?
The bitterness, hurt, sadness, doubt, etc.
If we really grasped who He was.
I fear, like these disciples, I may have spent much of my time knowing Jesus, but never knowing Jesus.
You may know Him as lord, but never as lover
maybe always as lover, but never as lord.
I'm learning, I'm growing, I'm letting go.
And...
I'm finding.
It is all about Jesus.
And that comes with a thousand other things to figure out.
Dear body,
Lets not live un gaceful to anyone. Everything is different when your not the one throwing stones, but having them thrown at you. Forgive, forget, repent, move on, and grow together.
I say none of these things because I have them figured out.
I just want to figure them out with you.
Saturday, March 17, 2012
22 is a lot different than 21
22 for me is going to be different than 21.
I've always held really close to 2 Corinthians5:17-18
here's what it says and why.
"Therefore, if ANYONE is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has PASSED away; behold, the NEW has come."
"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation"
I am in Christ.
First met Christ when I was 13 and have never stopped getting to know Him.
Its been the best years of dating I've ever had and can't wait till the wedding day.
So, because I'm in Christ, I am new.
New today.
I don't have to wait till 2013 to start fresh, but rather I start fresh today.
22.
new.
fresh.
Also, I like when it says the old has passed away.
That means its gone.
It is gone.
I do not have to live in my regret, shame, depression, and hurt.
I believe because of the lifestyle I have lived that I have many regrets.
One of them being that I didn't stay in louisiana and love my kids better.
They were a wonderful group of kids, but I shut down.
I grew... apathetic, I grew depressed.. and lost all my love for people.
Its a weird feeling going from loving every stranger and enemy I met or knew, to really not caring if I deal with either anymore..
but there is a community/relational spirit that lives inside of me and its longing to love again..
its just that for so long I had my order mixed up on whom I loved first...
I first loved people
then God
then myself.
When really according to Luke 10:27-28( I'll leave it up to you to read)
I first love God
myself
then my neighbor
and If I do these... I will live.
Until then, I will not be able to love, care, or cater to the relationships around me.
The other part of the verse I like is that it is a gift from God.
On my birthday.
What a wonderful gift and Lord willing, I'll have the same gift tomorrow.
Everyday, ..........newness.
I figured Jesus knew we would need a lot of re do's.
That some would need to wander His grace, swim in it more than others.
I feel you see some people and they just have it together, while others, like myself, must learn from mistakes and messing up.....alot.
What a wonderful gift from Christ, that He would be at me continual to wash( which takes along time, thank about how long it takes you) not a fast fix, but rather He walks with us, works with us, and we become new.
Sanctified
Theres you a fancy term.
I have burned some bridges.
Some relationships I straight lit on fire.
I am not proud of this.
Its one of those things in your alone time that cover your mind.
Especially with a guy that lives in my apartment complex.
He is such an amazing guy, but due to my own hurt and wounded-ness I cared little to cultivate our relationship and just let it go.
You see, I lived most of my life for the approval of people..
now it seems I live to push them away and not care
I need to find a new ground.
I believe we all do.
John the baptist is one of my favorite bible characters.
When asked if he was Jesus, he replied honestly.
He could have claimed to be the very person everyone wanted, he could have taken on the identity of the most famous person
but instead, he said, I am a voice of one crying.... I'm not worthy to touch his sandal ...
I never claimed to be Jesus.
I never claimed to be perfect or to have it all together
I just always wanted to admit to my failures and then from there try to be like Jesus.
You see, even though this is very sad, in the christian community, we(because I belong) are some of THE most judgmental, quick to point out wrong, before evaluating themselves type folks.
Yes, you are, own it.
My new favorite thing said about me is I'm a hypocrite.
Why yes, I am thank you.
But, at least I am not afraid to own my failures in the light while others hide theirs in the dark.
I do not write this with a big head or better than you tone, I simply write it as, in the christian community, we can do a lot better than this.
I believe when your brother is wrong, you help them.
Be quick to listen, read this again, listen... stop trying to fix the problem that you have yet to hear.
Don't push the word of God on them when you have yet to understand what verse they need or maybe instead a prayer.
Now this blog just sounds like a rant, be careful, it is not.
Can you relate?
is this your life?
Have you struggled with these things?
Are you beginning to overcome?
if so, how?
Feel free to share verses, maybe hold on the thoughts... less christian bs and arguing I have to read the better.
Maybe honest comments. Is this where you are now?
It is open for conversation.
I have yet to fully heal from the years past.
I do know Phil 1:6
He will finish the good work that is started in me.
Romans 8:28, He has good for you.
Psalm 25:10, all the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth.... finish reading that one.
In this times may we not doubt Gods goodness, but look to see what is the point of why we are going through these times.
There is something to learn..
I long to be a pastor.
I dont want to be the most popular...
just the most God fearing, loving, relational one.
Also, be thankful
1 Thes 5: 16-18
That tends to get over looked.
I believe 22 will be alot different than 21 because of this lyrics my friend wrote and has been weighing heavy on my mind
Holy Spirit You are near
Holy Spirit You are welcomed here.
I once heard a friend tell me that every day he invites the Spirit to be apart of his day.
how beautiful.
This is where the healing begins.
I've always held really close to 2 Corinthians5:17-18
here's what it says and why.
"Therefore, if ANYONE is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has PASSED away; behold, the NEW has come."
"All this is from God, who through Christ reconciled us to himself and gave us the ministry of reconciliation"
I am in Christ.
First met Christ when I was 13 and have never stopped getting to know Him.
Its been the best years of dating I've ever had and can't wait till the wedding day.
So, because I'm in Christ, I am new.
New today.
I don't have to wait till 2013 to start fresh, but rather I start fresh today.
22.
new.
fresh.
Also, I like when it says the old has passed away.
That means its gone.
It is gone.
I do not have to live in my regret, shame, depression, and hurt.
I believe because of the lifestyle I have lived that I have many regrets.
One of them being that I didn't stay in louisiana and love my kids better.
They were a wonderful group of kids, but I shut down.
I grew... apathetic, I grew depressed.. and lost all my love for people.
Its a weird feeling going from loving every stranger and enemy I met or knew, to really not caring if I deal with either anymore..
but there is a community/relational spirit that lives inside of me and its longing to love again..
its just that for so long I had my order mixed up on whom I loved first...
I first loved people
then God
then myself.
When really according to Luke 10:27-28( I'll leave it up to you to read)
I first love God
myself
then my neighbor
and If I do these... I will live.
Until then, I will not be able to love, care, or cater to the relationships around me.
The other part of the verse I like is that it is a gift from God.
On my birthday.
What a wonderful gift and Lord willing, I'll have the same gift tomorrow.
Everyday, ..........newness.
I figured Jesus knew we would need a lot of re do's.
That some would need to wander His grace, swim in it more than others.
I feel you see some people and they just have it together, while others, like myself, must learn from mistakes and messing up.....alot.
What a wonderful gift from Christ, that He would be at me continual to wash( which takes along time, thank about how long it takes you) not a fast fix, but rather He walks with us, works with us, and we become new.
Sanctified
Theres you a fancy term.
I have burned some bridges.
Some relationships I straight lit on fire.
I am not proud of this.
Its one of those things in your alone time that cover your mind.
Especially with a guy that lives in my apartment complex.
He is such an amazing guy, but due to my own hurt and wounded-ness I cared little to cultivate our relationship and just let it go.
You see, I lived most of my life for the approval of people..
now it seems I live to push them away and not care
I need to find a new ground.
I believe we all do.
John the baptist is one of my favorite bible characters.
When asked if he was Jesus, he replied honestly.
He could have claimed to be the very person everyone wanted, he could have taken on the identity of the most famous person
but instead, he said, I am a voice of one crying.... I'm not worthy to touch his sandal ...
I never claimed to be Jesus.
I never claimed to be perfect or to have it all together
I just always wanted to admit to my failures and then from there try to be like Jesus.
You see, even though this is very sad, in the christian community, we(because I belong) are some of THE most judgmental, quick to point out wrong, before evaluating themselves type folks.
Yes, you are, own it.
My new favorite thing said about me is I'm a hypocrite.
Why yes, I am thank you.
But, at least I am not afraid to own my failures in the light while others hide theirs in the dark.
I do not write this with a big head or better than you tone, I simply write it as, in the christian community, we can do a lot better than this.
I believe when your brother is wrong, you help them.
Be quick to listen, read this again, listen... stop trying to fix the problem that you have yet to hear.
Don't push the word of God on them when you have yet to understand what verse they need or maybe instead a prayer.
Now this blog just sounds like a rant, be careful, it is not.
Can you relate?
is this your life?
Have you struggled with these things?
Are you beginning to overcome?
if so, how?
Feel free to share verses, maybe hold on the thoughts... less christian bs and arguing I have to read the better.
Maybe honest comments. Is this where you are now?
It is open for conversation.
I have yet to fully heal from the years past.
I do know Phil 1:6
He will finish the good work that is started in me.
Romans 8:28, He has good for you.
Psalm 25:10, all the paths of the Lord are lovingkindness and truth.... finish reading that one.
In this times may we not doubt Gods goodness, but look to see what is the point of why we are going through these times.
There is something to learn..
I long to be a pastor.
I dont want to be the most popular...
just the most God fearing, loving, relational one.
Also, be thankful
1 Thes 5: 16-18
That tends to get over looked.
I believe 22 will be alot different than 21 because of this lyrics my friend wrote and has been weighing heavy on my mind
Holy Spirit You are near
Holy Spirit You are welcomed here.
I once heard a friend tell me that every day he invites the Spirit to be apart of his day.
how beautiful.
This is where the healing begins.
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Oh no no no Oh no
I don't claim the identity of Christian or Christ follower to be anything else.
If reading my bible is a responsibility then I'd rather pray and never open my eyes again.
I would never want to be the heart behind the saying " its our duty."
No
It is our delight.
I refuse it to be anything else.
Loving people is a gift from a bigger gift.
Christ is a big gift.
Life is a gift.
And death is natural.
I hope in my time here I can understand what it means to love and be loved by Jesus.
I hope to understand grace.
I hope to fully experience it, even with the emotions.
I hate when people opt those out.
I believe emotions come from God.
Jesus expressed them well, so don't tell me its not emotional.
I don't understand the cross.... or the good news.. gospel..
but from what I do, I know I need it and so do you and everyone else.
I won't claim to be a Christian of Christ follower and not try to look like Him.
Even in my grey days, sad days, in apathy, I'm still connected.
I do not want to know Him, I know Him.
I don't want to love Him, I love Him.
Alot of Christians always say, I need to know God, I need to love God.
Do it, live it , be it.
I hate that we don't treat this as who we are.
Stop separating it so much.
Be who you are, hopefully its like Jesus.
Turn me into someone else, someone more like Yourself.
Thats what really we need.
Belief that He cares to be connected to us and we don't have to live like He is something separate than us.
He is apart of me.
and you too.
If reading my bible is a responsibility then I'd rather pray and never open my eyes again.
I would never want to be the heart behind the saying " its our duty."
No
It is our delight.
I refuse it to be anything else.
Loving people is a gift from a bigger gift.
Christ is a big gift.
Life is a gift.
And death is natural.
I hope in my time here I can understand what it means to love and be loved by Jesus.
I hope to understand grace.
I hope to fully experience it, even with the emotions.
I hate when people opt those out.
I believe emotions come from God.
Jesus expressed them well, so don't tell me its not emotional.
I don't understand the cross.... or the good news.. gospel..
but from what I do, I know I need it and so do you and everyone else.
I won't claim to be a Christian of Christ follower and not try to look like Him.
Even in my grey days, sad days, in apathy, I'm still connected.
I do not want to know Him, I know Him.
I don't want to love Him, I love Him.
Alot of Christians always say, I need to know God, I need to love God.
Do it, live it , be it.
I hate that we don't treat this as who we are.
Stop separating it so much.
Be who you are, hopefully its like Jesus.
Turn me into someone else, someone more like Yourself.
Thats what really we need.
Belief that He cares to be connected to us and we don't have to live like He is something separate than us.
He is apart of me.
and you too.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Whatever it takes, I give it all away..
Sometimes its hard to discern how much to share or not share with the community of people that may or may not view this blog.
Being transparent and fully honest doesn't get the best re-views anymore.
But for the sake of that one who is struggling, gritting their teeth to pull through, this perhaps is for you.
Depression stricken(struck with) for 2 and a half years, an at the age of 21 seeking and receiving the proper help is what needed to happen.
I've been going to counseling.
Yup.
And its not for crazy people.
What a false assumption or assertion about counseling.
It really helps to un-tangle wires that have intwined that need to be sorted out.
You see, as people, we sometimes get our feelings hurt, make a big mistake, or small one and leads to lasting affects or effects on our lives.
For instance, giving your body to someone else.
Sex is an emotional, spiritual, and psychical thing that ties 1 to 1, and then when the relationship doesn't last they are torn apart. And I personally don't know of anything that is still good after ripping apart.
We all need help.
Yes, even you.
You need help.
Its okay to say that.
Its okay to accept that.
I have found often that close friendships, people throwing verses at you, or trying to conveince yourself your okay is not merely enough to overcome depression, apathy, or sadness.
But what does help is memorizing Gods truth, which is the bible.
John 17:17
look at that.
When we start to hide His word and truth in our hearts we become better sustained.
For example:
All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindess and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. Psalm25:10
By memorizing this verse I see that All ways of the Lord are good!!!
That if I just believe and trust I will walk in His goodness.
I'm tired of writing.
ponder that
have a great day!
you are not alone in this.
Being transparent and fully honest doesn't get the best re-views anymore.
But for the sake of that one who is struggling, gritting their teeth to pull through, this perhaps is for you.
Depression stricken(struck with) for 2 and a half years, an at the age of 21 seeking and receiving the proper help is what needed to happen.
I've been going to counseling.
Yup.
And its not for crazy people.
What a false assumption or assertion about counseling.
It really helps to un-tangle wires that have intwined that need to be sorted out.
You see, as people, we sometimes get our feelings hurt, make a big mistake, or small one and leads to lasting affects or effects on our lives.
For instance, giving your body to someone else.
Sex is an emotional, spiritual, and psychical thing that ties 1 to 1, and then when the relationship doesn't last they are torn apart. And I personally don't know of anything that is still good after ripping apart.
We all need help.
Yes, even you.
You need help.
Its okay to say that.
Its okay to accept that.
I have found often that close friendships, people throwing verses at you, or trying to conveince yourself your okay is not merely enough to overcome depression, apathy, or sadness.
But what does help is memorizing Gods truth, which is the bible.
John 17:17
look at that.
When we start to hide His word and truth in our hearts we become better sustained.
For example:
All the paths of the Lord are lovingkindess and truth to those who keep His covenant and His testimonies. Psalm25:10
By memorizing this verse I see that All ways of the Lord are good!!!
That if I just believe and trust I will walk in His goodness.
I'm tired of writing.
ponder that
have a great day!
you are not alone in this.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Sinking like a stone in the sea.
I should have saw it coming.
Opinions upon opinions, philosophies and shared faith
what does it mean to development a "personal faith" these days?
I've never liked the term "personal faith."
The term personal means, according to the American Webster dictionary,-of affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else.
I won't use a bible verse for this because I feel the whole bible references good community.
That we lived with a shared faith.
Person to person.
An open faith of looking at the word together and sharing what the Lord has placed on their heart.
I feel there is a move in the Christian community that is beautiful but can be harming if not done properly.
Discipleship.
A very beautiful way of sharing faith that Jesus practiced everyday!
I'm so happy to see this taking place here on MSU campus!
All throughout the bakery bibles are open, coffee is hot, and people are sharing what they are learning.
Even I have the great honor of studying the word with a great friend of mine who is farther along in the faith.
But one thing he would never want me to do I feel, is to believe what he believes just because he shared it with me.
In studying the word, even with much studying, opinions are hard to shake.
Since we are interpreting something written so long ago we have lost the context of what it really meant then.
And sometimes its okay to disagree on what it means.
The guy I meet with I feel would much rather me read it to believe it for myself than for him just telling me.
In the Christian community there are many different opinions on dating, boys and girls talking about Christ together, and etc.
And sometimes we take on someone else's thoughts and believe what they believe and become a " boy hater" or " girl avoider"
We start to feel like talking about the bible with the opposite sex is bad, in which no one, with any bible verse, can back, because to my knowledge there is no such thing.
So in that moment you then aren't becoming like Jesus(rom8:29, 1john2:6) but rather like the person you study with and where is that Biblical?
I know Paul says, take after me. but I believe he meant in his lifestyle of sharing the word.
I want to encourage you to become like Jesus.
Study the word for yourself.
See what it means to you.
Join a healthy community of believers.
Share thoughts opinions etc
and pray to see the outcome of how it shapes you.
have a great day.
also, I never re read these to fix mess ups or mis spelled words, if something don't make since, try to figure it out.
:)
Opinions upon opinions, philosophies and shared faith
what does it mean to development a "personal faith" these days?
I've never liked the term "personal faith."
The term personal means, according to the American Webster dictionary,-of affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else.
I won't use a bible verse for this because I feel the whole bible references good community.
That we lived with a shared faith.
Person to person.
An open faith of looking at the word together and sharing what the Lord has placed on their heart.
I feel there is a move in the Christian community that is beautiful but can be harming if not done properly.
Discipleship.
A very beautiful way of sharing faith that Jesus practiced everyday!
I'm so happy to see this taking place here on MSU campus!
All throughout the bakery bibles are open, coffee is hot, and people are sharing what they are learning.
Even I have the great honor of studying the word with a great friend of mine who is farther along in the faith.
But one thing he would never want me to do I feel, is to believe what he believes just because he shared it with me.
In studying the word, even with much studying, opinions are hard to shake.
Since we are interpreting something written so long ago we have lost the context of what it really meant then.
And sometimes its okay to disagree on what it means.
The guy I meet with I feel would much rather me read it to believe it for myself than for him just telling me.
In the Christian community there are many different opinions on dating, boys and girls talking about Christ together, and etc.
And sometimes we take on someone else's thoughts and believe what they believe and become a " boy hater" or " girl avoider"
We start to feel like talking about the bible with the opposite sex is bad, in which no one, with any bible verse, can back, because to my knowledge there is no such thing.
So in that moment you then aren't becoming like Jesus(rom8:29, 1john2:6) but rather like the person you study with and where is that Biblical?
I know Paul says, take after me. but I believe he meant in his lifestyle of sharing the word.
I want to encourage you to become like Jesus.
Study the word for yourself.
See what it means to you.
Join a healthy community of believers.
Share thoughts opinions etc
and pray to see the outcome of how it shapes you.
have a great day.
also, I never re read these to fix mess ups or mis spelled words, if something don't make since, try to figure it out.
:)
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