Who is Jesus? No one really knows.

Who is Jesus?
I mean really?
Does anyone know?
I don't believe so.

People, since, forever has pick and chose which parts of the bible that they would like their Jesus to be.
For Jesus to hate the sinner would be wrong.
For Him to choose some and not others is wrong.
Right?
Love the sinner, hate the sin?
What if Jesus hates the sinner?
Could you still love Him for Himself?
No of course not, that wouldn't fit well with our plaid shirts in the coffee shop conversation we are having.
What about the scriptures of come all ye weary?
The righteous don't need a doctor, the sick do?
Scriptures about forgiveness, then scriptures about not abusing His grace.
I mean.... as a believer we can't continue to repent the same ole sin over and over and think its cool with God to come back to Him at any point and say some half crap repentance prayer.
Have you ever read the book of Lamentations?
They were lamenting and wanting God to reconcile them to Himself, wanna know why?
Cause God destroyed their city because of disobedience.
Hows that for your coffee shop God?
Thats right, destroyed.
What about Numbers 17, God reigned fiery serpents from heaven upon the people, biting and killing them, and then He also gave them a way out.

Well, even if we can believe upon Him from our "free will" then He is obligated to save us right?
Its cool to doubt God, raise tons of questions without answers, its okay to make small talk with people and say " I don't feel... I don't think Jesus would."

Since when was it up to you to tell Jesus who He freakin is?
Or what makes it cool for you to "doubt" and ponder these "deep" questions and question His authority?
He is God, He doesn't need your pardon, He can do whatever He wants.


So, how do we reconcile these thoughts?
Who is Jesus?

Is He the kind loving Savior who welcomes people?
Is He the Lord who turns people away from following Him?

Right?

I don't write these things to discourage you, but encourage you to read the Bible, with no limits of Old Testament and New Testament. Toss the whole we live in the New Testament trash, right, throw that out.
Read it and look at God and Jesus, and then look at man.
Here's a beginning place... The Bible is about who God is and Him revealing Himself to us.
Thats how we can know Him.
And you'll see something so consistent...
Cause God doesn't change.

Who is Jesus really?
Some may know.
I'm still figuring it out, I know its worth giving my time, energy, money, and life to.

There's a manner of crows.

It's been awhile, but lets save the whole, its been awhile gig.

It's interesting how peoples words can affect us.
Strangers, friend, acquiesces, and even those people who think they know you, but really they just know of you. Which, is NOT the same thing.
I, at times, feel I know this more than anyone.
You see, being a vibrant, warm, friendly, open person isn't always a good thing.
It exposes your heart before all to see and judge, sometimes for the best and sometimes for the worst.
Knowing the line between guarding your heart and sharing is one that it seems I never found, along with helping guard those of my brothers and sisters... but I am not alone in this thinking.
It seems most people feel this way..
I now look back and realize that the the amount of "sharing," my life has been good but has come with consequences.
I look back on the mistakes I made, the people I completely hurt and somewhat ruined, for them I spent nights awake hurting for myself and them enough to build bridges to foreign lands.... and I only hope in the future they heal, but my wrong was not done unto them, "but God only have I sinned" the psalmist would write.
The Bible would say I was not ignorant in my wrong doings.... and I dare not argue with Sovereign God, but being thrown into the ocean to learn to swim is a hard way to figure it out.

I would say my journey has been one of many failures and I'm sure will be, but, I can say thankfully now, I am at the best place, praise be unto God I have ever been repenting of my sins and really turning from struggles that held me captive for so long.
You see, what person doesn't struggle?
What person hasn't repeated the same mistake, fighting to change but little outcome?
Everyone.
Especially in Christian communities.
I wasn't always looking for "love" from my brothers and sisters, but I was for truth and love..
wanting someone to show me God, but instead I received rejection and at times wrong counseling.
I am not bitter praise God, I am not angry and hold no grudges.
For I am thankful that God allowed me to see so many wrong errors in my life and has used them unto good, I won't harp on this, but I am thankful that mistakes can turn out for good.

Lets be clear though, struggles don't define you, but if you allow them, they will make you and control you, and there has to, yes, has to come to a point of change.

any how
back to the things people let slip from their mouth.

Someone accidentally said to me today  "you wouldn't want them to see who you really are."
Interesting comment eh?

I hope, that in everything I do, that I always show, behind closed doors or in person, who I really am.
A sinner, saved by The kindness of a God I didn't care about, and that I struggle but I want more than anything to love God by obedience to His Word, which, I don't always do the best at.
But, once again, I live unto the pleasure of the Lord, and not unto man.

I would never boast upon myself, but after much searching my life, heart, mind, and motives, I am a man who has a heart after God.
Misguided at times, but never the less after Him.

I received a grand complement last night on the phone with a friend whom I've known since I was 16.
" You are still the same person. Alot of people have changed for the worst, but you have changed for the better."
Interesting.
Some will see in your life what others don't.
And I find this, okay!
It's okay that people form these opinions, because people are people, and you can rest assure, they have failed and made mistakes, and even overcome, just like you have!
So, take them at face value and accept them for who they seem to be, even if it isn't who they are, you never know what's going on inside.
I wouldn't take criticism from someone who doesn't know you, that just doesn't make sense, and anyone so quick to tell you who you are, isn't someone that should be speaking into your life anyhow. But in America we can say what we want whenever, apart of those glorious freedoms.
Maybe thats why James writes " the tongue is like a fire"

Here is a little take away from this silly little post:
-It is so much easier to hold on to negatives, but so much more rewarding to take hold of and hold on to the positives.
-find friends who invest in your life, that you can trust, and then let them.
-to an extent guard your heart, but don't always be so afraid to share it either.
-tree's don't grow over night, change takes time.
-be aware of what people say, but don't be what people say! You get that one? Be you.
-learn to forgive and let go, because you will do wrong and be wronged, just don't make this a habit. As in doing wrong.
-learn how to be thankful and appreciate the ones who love you. They are a treasure.


as always, I hope this encouraged you in a small way.... this is just a little bit of that sharing a little without to much jazz I was talking about earlier.

Have a grand day!

I may be stupid ..but I know what love is.

The story of the prodigal son is over looked and over used.
It was the story, for me, that was familiar , but never mine.

Today, alot of people fuss about"reading in context", "study in context", "this story can't mean this", "can't mean that". "The bible wasn't written to you, remember its original audience."
but thats also a good way of losing what it can mean to you. ( which I do think its best to read it in context and not attach crazy meanings to things.)
but for this story, this is what I have understood.

I am a prodigal son.
You are a prodigal son.
Everyone I know is a prodigal son.

We want what we think is ours.
We are anxious
We know it all.

We want from God what we think is ours.
The future, as in, what will our job be, our paycheck, our husband and wife, our kids etc.
And then, what happens when none of that brings us pleasure?
Have you every thought about that?
What happens when all of these dreams you have don't satisfy like you romanticism them to do?
What was wrong with just being with the father?
What was wrong waiting for your inheritance at the proper time it was suppose to come?

So you do things your way and just like the wealth of the prodigal son, you are left with nothing because you done with it what youuuu wanted.

Then, you start filling your life with something that may work.
Talking about people because your insecure and it brings you peace to do so instead of facing yourself perhaps?
Filling your life with porn and numerous strangers in your bed?
Looking every day for someone to date because the idea of dating is awesome but you never learned the proper way to do so, so its left you with a terrible streak?
Drinking a lot because it helps you temporarily forget?
Starving yourself because you have control?
Cutting yourself because its a release?
Posting tweets, facebook status, blogs, and instagram photos because you think you can convince someone with your christian like posts?
Worrying yourself to sleep about whats coming after graduation because, after all, worrying a lot magically gets you a job?

oh fellow son
What if allllll those things don't satisfy you and its about the equivalent of a pig field?
 And you are willing to even eat the food of the pig then to face the pride within yourself and return home.
I like how the ESV writes it and says "a severe famine came across the land and he was in need".-Verse 14

I am the prodigal son because I see my need.
It's not even that I have pride and won't return home. Its just my squandering, spending my wealth on reckless living haunts me.
It is the ever lasting effect of sin.
Actions have consequences and sin is a sickness that is out to kill, steal, and destroy.

Is that you?
Have you returned to God and found yourself remembering what you have done with your share of the property?

Or maybe your not to that point.
Just one more of this, one more night in the mud with the pigs.
Cheesy right?

but no, its true!!!
Alot of us sit in our depression, apathy, addictions, laziness, we hide in our social media to pretend we are, when........ we aren't.
We bite and devour one another with terrible things we say to one another, and yet, no one is reaching in the mud or looking in the field for a son among pigs.
To say " hey, go home."
No.
Thats not what we do.

Hurt people, just keep hurting people.
That is one of the lines from one of my favorite songs.
And its true.
We hurt. We hurt others.
We run and recklessly live and take on causalities.
The causality takes on a causality as well
and then we have alot of people in fields with pigs.

But the story doesn't end here.
It doesn't have to but we have a choice to make.

The Father sits and waits on the return.
And the best part is the story above the prodigal son.
The Parable of the lost coin.
When one goes astray, the whole house is turned upside down looking for it and rejoices over that one coin when it is found...

So, now you know the return will be met with a celebration.
Thats right.
Party time.

When the son is still far off... the Father runs to meet him( which in that culture, men don't run. Its weird to do so)
and embraces him.
Redeems him with the ring with the family crest.
Meaning. Here is your name back.
Everything I own is yours.
And the son trys to explain, " look, Ive been bad, I cant be your...."
and the dad is like " get em a ring, get em a coat, get a goat, throw a party" etc.

Confession.
Confess in your honest words about everything you feel and think
hurts and pains
lay it out on the line in repentance
and be welcomed by God.
1 John 1:9 and Acts 3:19-20
Repentance is hard.
Moving on is hard.
Overcoming is hard.
But we can do it, because He says so.

Jesus died on the cross for our sins.
Covered past, present, and future.
He did this to demonstrate His love for you.
And when you couldn't and still can't, lift a finger to salvation to save yourself, He says "your deeds and being good isn't good enough" and says ......"but my grace is sufficient."
"And I will save you because I am love."
We don't deserve grace or salvation.
He just is.
He just does.


My friend.
The truth for you and I is,  we have been, we have done, we have failed, we have we have we have
but it doesn't have to be.
The Spirit wants to do a work in you and I.
You see, the gospel is not about salvation only.
No no no Francis Chain.
It is a call to be Holy for He is Holy.
It is a call to serve in the kingdom and be transformed by the King.
It is a relationship that takes time
YES TIME
to grow and mature.
The words of Christ needs to be hid away in our heart and practiced daily.
And as you become poor and see more of your need..
He is the father, with you son, to help you push through.


If you have any questions feel free to write me on facebook.

If you are a non-believer, may be pissed off at Jesus or angry or just never cared and something about this read made you wonder, please message me.
I would love to be apart of the work of the Holy Spirit in helping you in any way I can.


Have a great day.

I don't want to beg your pardon.

Well the sad truth is .. we don't get "re-do's" in this life
You don't have the marvelous opportunity to un- do to re-do to make things turn out a little bit different then how you wanted.

For sooo long I have hated this truth..

That every action has a re-action
You commit the action, you get the consequence.
Which, most of us love when it plays in our favor, but when it doesn't.. ohh man when it doesn't
we start regretting, becoming bitter and mad... and then the only person you have to blame is yourself, because your best friend " told ya so"

Then in this moment when you realize you are your own worst enemy, you seek comfort in your "friends"
but then you find your friends aren't so forgiven as the God they serve.
Then you decide you have no friends so you retreat within yourself and make empty promises of how alone you are going to be from now on.

So then we have:
-A consequence we don't like
-bitterness
-friends acting un-friendly
-the feel to be secluded and just dodge people.

Ringing true with anyone yet?

The truth is..
You can't change in other people.
The Holy Spirit in believers takes on that roll
within the lost at best you may convince them

People will be people.
People talk about people.
Yes, it is very sad but they do.
Remember that re-action I was talking about?
Face it, its reality.

In my last blog I talked about not allowing some people to be your friend.
How you should only surround yourself with a certain group of people..

Well, I retract that.
Christ loved us and identified with sinners to the point of the cross in which He became sin( 2Cor5:21)
There is no measure.
And in John 15, He calls us friend.

Don't let reactions become the reason you become bitter and hard hearted.
In Gen 6 God says He knows the heart of man and it does evil continually.
People believe only what they perceive
No matter what healing is going on in your life or the small changes no one see's, they will believe what their eyes show them.
So if your broken inside and you have a hard time dealing with people, oh well, people think your fake.

Don't let that attitude rule you.
Remember friendships aren't based off quantity
its quality

If you are having a hard time forgiving yourself, look at Titus 3:4-8
He paid it.
Past, present, and future.
If it was good enough for Him, then it needs to be for you.
If your sin is a routine, then seek help.
If you have trust issues, find a counselor, someone you don't know.

It takes time to grow friend.
Trees don't become full out oaks over night.
Roots have to dig, be watered etc.

For people.
Love them
Christ does.
For yourself
forgive yourself, Christ did.
For future actions, slow down, baby steps, walk, seek guidance, guard your heart.
I promise you.... no one is getting everything right.

This is for you action and reaction person
for your bitterness
for you who have done and done and feel empty.
Be encouraged, spring comes after winter!!!!!

As usual, I do not proof read these..
excuse any typo's please.
Also, if you have any questions, anything thats not clear or you would like more info, write me on facebook and it would be my delight to tell you how I'm overcoming or working through these things.
Life is about helping one another.
Lets grow together.

if it makes you ... happy.

I never thought being a "idealist" would ever become a problem.
I assume because of my young age fading away and this new man I'm becoming, I'm starting to see how things really are.
That sounds major cliché and to..... hmmm.... bloggy ?
To bloggy?
Eh, its truth.

I'm starting to see the scriptures in a new light.
I'm developing my own opinions that I can stand on, backed with Biblical truth.
I'm transferring head knowledge to heart knowledge, and heart knowledge to my new lifestyle.
Which is what I'm getting too.

A few weeks ago I received the best advice I have ever received but only this time I really received it.
Someone of much importance to me said " Cameron, there was one perfect man, we don't need another one. Be around those that you like and enjoy, because you CAN NOT like everyone."

I was beside myself.
Me, not like everyone?!?!
The scripture is so straight forward on loving others!!!!
We must, I must, its my job.....
job?

Its then very very clear.
Loving people isn't my job.
It is my freedom.
It is my response to God and my love for Him first, me second, and then my neighbor( Luke 10:27)
My relationship and what it produces is never a job..
Its never have too's
Its never my identity
My identity is a beloved son of Christ.
Then upon understanding that, I respond in whatever Biblical truths that I see.

Now this saying this person told me.
I've been practicing it.
I hang out with only those I trust and love.
Those that I can confide in.
Because reality is, in this life, you WILL meet people you don't like and don't vibe with, and its okay to not stress yourself trying to get them to like you.
Why would you?
Apart of loving yourself is respecting yourself as well.
Why is this such a forgotten practice in the church?
Argue all you want with this but God set it up where we love Him first, then our neighbor as ourself.
Meaning, we come second.
If the vertical relationship is crap, then our horizontal relationships with be crap.
And what would you expect to pour out anyway if you have nothing to give.
Someone once told me our cup needs to always be empty......
wrong.
Jesus in Mark 1 after a longggggg tiring day of healing, teaching, and hanging out went and prayed.
Jesus has full reliance on God, He goes and meets with His Father.
For He can only do what He sees the Father doing.
"If you need more scripture on this, facebook me, for time sake I'm going to continue writing."
Did Christ need Him some refreshment time with the Father and some strength?
HECK YES.
And He always came back to the bro 12.
Always ended up with those dudes at the end of the day....

As I take off the unnecessary  strains of my use to be daily grinds, I'm experiencing a new freedom in Christ Jesus.
But this is a cross country run.... I must pace myself....
Little by little I grow in knowledge and grace.
I won't wake up and have it all together
I won't get it all together tomorrow, but in Gods grace, I continue to grow.

I'm doing the things that make me healthy.
Being around and pouring into the ones that are real friends to me is the best and most delight I could ever have.
Seeing them grow is such a joy.
Running around meeting tons of new folks and sharing my personal life with them is just not who I am anymore.
Depending on circumstance though
Anyhow.
The reality is we live in a fallen world.
And not everyone who claims to be your brother and sister in Christ can be trusted, I'm sorry but its true.
They will talk about you, judge you, and never care to help you.
Its ugly but true..
But we all have sin...
and the sad thing is not all of us are pressing on to change.
The coffee shop christianity is a safe one, and many won't choose to leave.

Gosh, time for class already.

That was my rant for today.
Go in peace and grace.
:)

The focus is all wrong.

It isn't about your regret.
Not about your twinge of emotions today.
Not about you should have done this
or why did I do that?
It isn't how will I ever be fixed
Will I ever get better?
It is not about un-digging your past all in one setting.
It is not about bringing it up and harboring on it all day.

But what it is about, is Jesus.
His saving
His personality
His ability
His kindness
His grace
How He lead you the whole time with hands of a Father
How in union with Him, and only when in union with Him, you experience the attributes of Him.
Joy
Righteousness
Peace

It's about being obedient because He was to the Father.
No matter how much you don't feel like it or how bad it hurts.
Obedience because salvation is about taking Jesus as LORD
as MASTER
Meaning you will follow, you will labor, and you will experience.
His commands aren't burdensome.
They are filled with Spirit and life.
It isn't working to earn a wage, it is a free gift offered.

Jesus in no way had to use people...
but that was the reason He came
to identify with sinners, in whom you may feel like the worst today
but He called tax collectors
fishermen
He used normal men to be apart of the water to wine miracle
but in the moment they weren't just normal men.

So today, we are not self defeatist
We are victors
We walk in the promise, a promise that has eternal value.
All things will pass away, but the word of God....
never.

Down in the valley or up on the hill, safe is safe with me, my dear.

Exodus 20:4-5

What a great opener to Gods speech to His people.
"For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God"

For a people who knew nothing but slavery.
For a people dreaming of freedom.
For a people crying out for rescue( Ex 2:24)
For a people that felt helpless and hopeless.

Have you ever wanted to be wanted?
I'm sure you have, we are but human, but I'm talking about by people who actually use to want you?
Do you ever find yourself wishing someone would call you or text you to hang out?
That use to not be a problem of mine.
I use to be and am currently getting back to, being personal.
All I wanted to do was hang out and talk with people.
Never for my own glory or to advance my name, it was just who I was.
Until depression came and stripped me of my personality.
It was hard for me to keep friendships and grow with people because I was so burned out and apathetic that I really didn't care to try with people.
But thats another story.

I have a best friend named Samuel Bragg.
Hands down, best dude I've ever met.
Tall, strong, silent, smart, personable, loving, disciplined, sensitive, aware, steady etc.
This guy is a mountain. Legit.
He transfered to MS State
a year after me.
At NEMCC( community college) we were inseparable.
Every summer, every weekend.
Sam and Cam was known through the land.
Upon arrival to State I was so excited I introduced him to everyone I ever came in contact with.
So between me doing that and he meeting folks on his own you can only image such a man become a pop icon and the hottest item on campus.
The guy blew up.
Became one of the most popular sensations over night.
When you have a real heart for the Lord, it happens.
Thus, that ended up cutting back our time of hanging out.
I was hurt, devastated, because I'm sensitive and emotional.
I felt abandoned and ditched.
I felt unwanted.
With depression I felt I lost my only friend.

I often have moments where I would look around and realize I have no friends.
I went from someone who was invited to every hang out ever, to on weekends sitting at home writing songs.

Another similar cause happened with a old mentor of mine.
I use to fight for his approval.
I was striving to be a man of God and I wanted so bad for him to notice.
I wanted to be just like him, because this guy is a rock, I mean he knows his stuff, he is solid.
He always knows the right things to say... I'm pretty convinced God tells him the secrets of life!
We use to chat alot but that got reduced because life happens.
But I felt after awhile when we wouldn't talk or catch up that I wore him out from always needing him to help me in life.
I was very self reliant on him, after all, he was the first person to come along and teach me what a man of God looks like and lives like.

So, how did I get to all of this?
Jealousy. Envy.
Last night, I went to my mentors church ( see I told you the guy knows everything)
He spoke on jealousy and envy.
Its an ugly sin.
Its saying " Hey God, you owe me."

From recovering with depression I see that this has been a problem of mine.
As I recover I keep praying God, give me my personality back, help me to love people again. I want to be comfortable talking to everyone.
Cause sometimes I'm not.
I was demanding God to give me something I thought was mine.
When it was Him that gave it to me in the first place!

I wanted to be wanted!
I wanted someone to love me and to care for me.

And its in Ex 20:4-5 I see it so clear.
The lord God is my God and is jealous!!
He wants my attention, he wants my focus, my heart, and my love.
Just like I was wanting approval and to be wanted by my friend and mentor.
In which everything is actually fine and dandy, life just gets busy sometimes.

When all along, I was wanted.
And God was wanting to give me what I wanted from others, and was wanting what I wanted.
do you see that!
God is sensitive to our needs.

Here is my post to let y'all know I'm still alive.

Be encouraged.
And simply know, You Are Wanted